Em Not in KS, Part II

I found out later that one of the questions almost asked of me was in reference to my previous application to the JET program. I applied last year, but since the deadline was in the beginning of December, I had to send my materials from Rome. Half of what I sent didn't actually make it to the US (showing that the Italian post is, in fact, less reliable than my hopes). Sumir apparently told them about this situation and they decided not to ask me the question.

But I really wish they had. The JET program is a frightening prospect: participants are supposed to be envoys of American culture (or, whatever country they are representing.. the US just happens to be the country sending the most people) as well as assistant English teachers. It requires more flexibility than anything I've ever seen, coupled with strict adherence to guidelines. The application procedure itself is arduous and leaves no room for tardiness or error. You are permitted to indicate location preference, but are expected to just go wherever in Japan they would like to send you, and work wherever you happen to be assigned.

It sounds like my cup of tea, doesn't it? But it wasn't always. I feel that last year, even applying from abroad as I was, the prospect of going to a farther place than Italy for a much longer time, with less structure than I had in Rome was a terrible idea. It was something I would nonetheless consider, and I did apply.. my heart was not in it, and I think part of me was relieved that the application got lost in the mail. I wasn't ready, then.

It would have been glorious to sit in that interview and say, yeah, maybe I am worse at speaking Japanese than I was a year ago, but that's not something I won't be forced to relearn if I go.. what I'm better at is virtually everything else required by the job. I've got much more teaching experience now; one of the interviewers even made the comment that subbing is the closest US experience to the JET life. From what I understand, most ALTs (the position is called Assistant Language Teacher, I think) rotate into classrooms in an area and give lessons in many places on an occasion basis. Some are attached to one particular school, but this is actually kind of rare. Subbing is a lot like what the program expects you to do. One could also end up assigned to any grade and age level, much like subbing.

But I've also got more experience in the area of.. just learning to live my life. I've mentioned before, the idea of 'becoming comfortable being uncomfortable.' As I grow more and more adept at navigating life's ridiculousness, I feel that adapting to whatever random assignment I could get with JET would be a lot easier. Not a cakewalk, but certainly not as difficult as it would have been had I not (within the US, this first time, of course) moved far away from family, friends, and resource connections and attempted to just begin some kind of life for myself.

I didn't get to say all this, so I can only hope my calm assertive energy was felt by those in the room as I answered a few easy questions, and a few hard ones.

As I mentioned in the previous post, after the interview was over, it was over. I made my way up the sidewalk to Vandy.. I'm not sure you could call it dancing, but it wasn't really walking either. I got to reunite with the beloved Classics department there, chat with Tommye, and catch up with both my advisors, one there at the office, and the other down at JJ's coffeehouse. It was this part of the Nashville adventure that really felt like a homecoming, a return to that "kindly mother" (alma mater), absolutely a gem in my weekend.

Because of the nature of my personality, I am always seeking to make others proud of me. I think that my state of mind post-interview was high on accomplishing that very thing. I wasn't always happy while I was in college, but I preferred not to let a lot of people know about it. It was partly that I didn't want them to worry, and partly that I knew they wanted me to be happy. Informing them that I wasn't felt like letting them down.

The converse is feeling right with yourself and having something to show for it. Questions like why did you move to Kansas? and was that really such a good idea? will evaporate quickly and easily under the bright light given off by the kid who can sit there shining, saying this is what I've done, this is how far I've come, and I will do yet more and go yet farther.

The rest of the day was spent reuniting with college friends, including J-Hallers, Dean, and Dream Team member Beatnik. It was all lovely, hilarious, and made me feel very at-home in a town I had a hard time considering home while I lived there. I fell asleep gratefully at about midnight, tired but happy.